(manifesto)

this isn't a new blog presenting new ideas. it is simply my views, reflecting my stories of [men] and wo[men] around me, my experience specifically. it is as much self-indulgent as it is a way of dealing with my current situation. so: excuse me in advance. the apologies, however, being part of the theme.

in essence, this writing project is describing a large part of my life at the moment, which entails my current job(s) and "dating" strategies. before i moved, i was very much in control of my work situations. i managed a store, worked with professors, made my own hours, was my own boss (in a sense). i played a much more active role in my employment and acquisition of means to live. socially, it was quite gratifying and sound. after moving to a different city, i've chosen to take positions (and subsequently stick with them) which fit me in a much different position than i was preveiously. i'm a busser at a restaurant and a new worker at a wine cellar, both jobs of which i am nearly lowest in the social order of each specific group. [though, each differs in interesting ways, which i'll go into later]. the difference being the ways in which my 'self' is expressed, not only through how i control my work but also how i act in each situation while working. again, specifics will be explored later and will make up the body of my writings. this is only the frame.

this employment situation will be coupled with the idea that i'm single, kind of in the 'dating scene', but don't really participate. personal feelings will be explored, mainly from the standpoint that i'd very much like to be in a monogamous sexual relationship, but have no interest in the competitive aspecet. i have no plans of asking anyone out on a 'date', no drive to go to a bar and jump through crowded, smoke-filled hoops, no interest in filling a personal void with anything short, transitory, or easy. it's just where i am at the moment, perhaps. as you may or may not be able to tell, i am of the opinion that our current social constructs that dictate who we connect with on intimate levels are very constricting. (i.e. in these scenes, the male almost always takes the active role still, and as one who is uncomfortable taking and refuses to take that prescribed role, is usually left out of it altogether). gender roles will definately be explored more in detail with my specific lens, that of a male, that of one in a society still very much rooted in patriarchy but unwilling to accept it, though definately still benefiting from the structure, but being choosy in how it benefits due to personal preference. all the while trying to be conscious of the gender line, that of power in dating and relationships, that which is ever so fluid and hard to see these days, the dialectical nature of liberation and oppression still lingering in all of us. i'm also growing a beard, which will make it even more confusing.

in total, i'm not only making excuses for who and where i am, but i'm also hoping to gain an understanding of myself and consequently grow from this experience. for, if one learns nothing in the harder times of change, then will we actually ever learn anything at all? comforts are bliss, but they can only take one so far. i hope you enjoy reading this. sincerely,

matt