strangeways, here we blog.
so, to break it a bit, yet again. [life as a social experiment, always]. [and ps? remember, life and art are the same fucking thing! honestly]. i broke this weekend, went on a vacation to my home, and was quite active. (no, not sexually active at all. though i did join the mile high club by myself in the airplane bathroom, which was quite uncomfortable). (leg cramps and such). but yes, anyways, i was the proverbial headless chicken, loving nothing more. the people of the town of flagstaff are so fucking amazing that i can't express it enough.
BUT, it's so crazy, it's so strange to want to be everywhere all the time. i feel inadequate to many people, like i'm just turning their lives into circuses. cirqui. the plural of circus, whatever that is. anyways, as for apology...
i'd just like to say that i sincerely love all these people around. even though my head may be in a fucking cloud. of weed smoke. not even of my own toking. but, it's like, i LOVE jeff lowry! and i only saw him for a night! and i left brant here, we've moved and i'm already planning all these trips home. i remember answering a question from a game with celeste and sarah and rené, which went something like "if you could steal one thing from your best friend, what would it be?" to which i said something i'd steal from jeff (his art skillz), and rené said she'd steal my social skillz. refering that i was indeed her best friend. and it felt so weird to hear, especially considering we were in the process of breaking up, and now i hardly ever see her. how can it be? how can change ever be anything but directional?
and i go home and don't even call ryan narce. and, perhaps, just maybe, i've had some of my most enjoyable conversations ever with that guy. i felt so close to him at moments and then at times so so so distant. when he and reuben and i discovered laughter again it was so golden, and then nothing. is public reflection anything but a cry for help, approval, need?
i'm just putting this out there to vent my hungover sense of solids. like, i keep eating and eating and i'm not full at all. i know i'll awake and be biking downtown to work, and the morning oxygen will make it all better. but, i'd just like to say this: i miss so many people who live far away. fuck, i even miss brant when he's in the next room. fuck this computer. i sincerely need to just create some art or literature that i can sell for a lot of money so i can just spend my life driving around and laughing with loved ones. and DRINKING.
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3 comments:
yes and yes.
Matt. The plan is in motion. It will all come to fruition and burst. And it will be amazing, because that's all that is left for things to be. If you believe. Hopefully you know what I mean by believe. I'm guessing you at least have an idea.
Like you said, just come to athens and we can talk about it.
(who gives a fuck, seriously, but did you do anything for your thesis? It's like, I don't want to ask but I just did and now I'm not going to highlight and hit the delete key).
ok. cool. i'm glad things that i felt in the last few years weren't just a drunken false memory. i was sober enough to reflect once in a while. yeah, i believe. this comment stirred up things in my belly, and thank you for that.
also, i did do things for my thesis, but i just gave them to dick and am waiting for feedback. i'm still planning upon finishing, believe it or not.
(and for the record, i'm now highlighting this whole message and copying it to email to you. i've only posted it as a blog response because i'd ideally like people to read it and believe as well.)
well, that's just lovely.
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