Smiles for Similes

The bill collector's tab is gaining insight, but not nearly as much as my own sense of sending people cheap gifts. My internal dichotomy can explain:

i dont want to go outside but its really nice out . id like to see the city but i kinda want to just be lazy and stagnant . i write about internal struggles , meaningless to the outside , and usually something that seems a lot more important while drunk . i catch myself in sobriety and stop with all the second guessing . laying in bed and catching on sleep , i can only think of the weakest moments of myself and those around me . at the core . . . we are all terrified . so i put that to rest as well . i think the general posture of fright and failure is harbored within us . so we can relate to each other in the time of our most need . and so i wake up to less headaches and the comfort of coming up from such stagnation . from such sleep .



I sent in the bill; the money in my account is sufficient. Not much left, but I'll make more. Then I'll send it away. Always keep one step ahead. That's all you need. Explaining the car-crash that is my sense of adventure, perhaps we can gain insight:

obligations to brothers and others mean nothing unless they are obligation to the self . i picture a trip abroad not in the greater sense of exploring new terrain and understanding new people through language . i picture a trip abroad as fist fights and pale drunk nights and finding the greater sense of why you breathe with the people you breathe with . which seems just as valid as the former, if not more so . and i will explain it all later . but for now , i need you . but for now , i sit awake when i should sleep . i keep my droning dreams safe within the workday routine . i still feel the most motivation when i should the least .


The way it OUGHT TO be.