you take this motherfucker? neato.

or so it said on june 12th, 2006, 1:27am. wow, i just looked at this, and thought it was neat, and thought i was looking at it for the first time. then i looked below, and it made me cringe and cry at the passing of time...

though cringing and crying aren't bad. "and i'm not happy, and i'm not sad". write? like when we're lying in bed and minds wander, as brant and i conversed over indian food up north. like, why am i here, why is anything here, why does it all matter, and why are these such stupid and functionally pointless questions to be asking, because there is no answer, and there never will be. right. though we silently conclude that the answer lies in the moment, in our company and the delicious food in front of us, soon to be part of us. and i topically conclude (as in: you can see the pattern of letters upon this digital page, and you can (in the medicinal sense) thus relate it or apply it directly to a part of the body) that i'm not writing this for information or suggestion or pity or anything like that. rather for connection, i suppose, something that resembles the defining moments of our lives, our sex, our energy, our general will to make another movement. and regardless of how that movement comes, chemical, traditional, habitual, spiritual, free or not, motivation blind,

i ask:

what did you do today? what made you feel anything today? what was the funniest thing that happened? did you kiss or touch or fuck lately? or love lately? more importantly, of course, but being direct isn't always the greatest tact. sad but true. continuing: how are you feeling right now? how are your significant others doing? what have you been up to lately? how is the weather, your living situation, your immediate surroundings? are you healthy? what social event impacted you the most? do you understand why it did? what was the greatest endeavour lately that made you stop questioning all of this and just FEEL, but then come back to realize how important these questions are.
what did you think about creating lately? why? (and always follow with why why why).

as i am quite sure that most who read this won't literally answer these questions and type them out to become topical once again, i hope some do. and i hope all who read this will ask and answer these questions if in nothing else but silence. "catch the spirit", or so says my jingoist coffee mug, as it has been refilled with hot water so much that the echinacea is completely strung out and purely ornamental. tea makes me feel nice.