(Illinois is) no state to be in for a relationship

WHOA
so this girl walks into the potash bros. supermarket. i work in the basement, the wine cellar: the sandburg wine cellar. hence, i didn't see her walk in, but i still knew she had walked in because she was staring at the olive oil in aisle 1. as i came around the corner to come upon her, she turned her head at me. and we locked eyes for, maybe, honestly, 3 seconds.

now, 3 seconds seems like a short time when you say it out loud. but when it concerns eye contact between strangers, it's fucking significant. most every other enounter will never contain eye contact AT ALL, and when it happens (at least in this city) it's broken off immediately. as i broke it off (the stress on "i") and walked away down the stairs, i couldn't help but think, "what can i stock upstairs?????"
so as i walked around, looking for work, i knew exactly where this girl was in releation to me, kind of as a sixth sense. and i felt she knew the same, as she kept looking over at moments and catching my form as well. her form:

honestly, i could tell you little about her form. baggyish jeans on a vaguely slim body. no idea about breast size. blue jacket. slightly hippie, which only means 'not perfect jeans and not spotless black coat' in the city. this city. i can tell much more, however, from the neck up, as i am a TOTAL sucker for a cute face. accordingly: medium length hair, but the sides were braided and tied back. kinda baggy eye lids, which sounds weird but was quite endearing as it brought out her eyes. (the eyes being really the only part of her i communicated with). very pretty (VERY pretty) blue eyes. and upon reflection, maybe they were only blue due to her jacket. who knows, it all went so quick. but quite pretty very pretty. GREAT smile, (of which i'll get to later in the story). continuing on:

as she shopped for who-knows-what, i rigorously restocked all the shit i could upstairs. chateau st. julien chardonnay, penescal tempranillo, budweiser 6pack cans. and i kept catching her gaze. and she kept catching mine. and i went downstairs for a few seconds, then came back up thinking, "she should be checking out right now..."

to which i looked at the check-out line, only to see her eyes meeting mine.

she left the store, leaving me not with a sense of longing but instead with an invigoration and livelihood that made me realize one doesn't need uppers for this feeling. (i've been leaning on caffeine heavily these days). i was giddy. and it only compounded when i had about 10 mintues to think about it and text my friends about it, when she walked in again.
and she kept shopping for more groceries! i subsided the "why is she here again? who is she shopping for?" thoughts with the "oh my god she's back!" and the "how can i communicate with her!" thoughts. again i restocked; again we caught eyes. she went up to the deli, to which i responded by bringing up wine that belonged on a shelf that is close to the stairs that lead from the deli.

and as she came from the deli, our eyes met for a lasting time. i nodded and looked away. as my head turned, she smiled and said "hi..."
and then i turned to return the greet, she was passing, i said "hi", but she was already passing me.
it was fucking awkward, but very cute. and i got to get the first close glances of her smile, which was very large, and very sweet, and almost made her face contort in a weird but gorgeous way.
i went downstairs as she was in line, took my boss's business card, crossed out his name and wrote in mine, and had the plan of going up to her as she left and giving it to her as i said, "here. you dropped this."
i went upstairs and she was gone, but i was glad because that was such a stupid idea. upon reflection, i guess the best part of our 'relationship' had come and gone, anyways.



this whole story is true, and it's the closest i've come in chicago to open and honest true love.

a breath of fresh coffee

reading lives, i find comfort in the fact that others flail in the face of failure. i love to hear when people fall and scrape their knees really bad, because i'm all like "whoa, i scraped my knee REALLY bad, like 5 years ago, and it still hurts in the cold!" and i fell yesterday, and i'm planning a fall next week. so cheers to pubilc forums and keeping up with friends, and no cheers to alcohol because i've drank about 15 drinks too many in the last 3 days. i was planning on sobriety // i guess it'll have to wait.

speaking of cold, it's finally chilling down here. getting negative, and it's really nice that a girl here knitted me a little tie-on yarn mask, though i haven't been wearing it. perhaps i will when i shave, or start riding a bike again. i've recently decided i'm giving away the bike i got for free (found by miss kladzyk), to the street. good karma, eh? i've also been pissing in a returnable milk jug and pouring it in the sink when the bathroom is occupied. saves water, i presume. at least i'm not putting a balloon over it and collecting the resulting fermentations for further consumption? butthash: czech it out.

but borrowing to infidelity: my life will be interesting in the coming 7 months. don't know where i'll be, who i'll be with. just got a credit extention, but re-paying a large loan. my brother's getting fucked over in a divorce, but it seems to be in a positive, life-changing, cathartic way. motherfucker (not literally) wants to go to europe this summer, so it looks like we'll go for a month or so. from how it sounds, it'll be a lot like the plot of 'the darjeeling limited', which is interesting because i loved that movie, and my brother's never seen it (and has no idea who wes anderson is or what ANY of his movies are) yet came up with this travel-to-find-yourself-with-your-brother idea. quite a timely coincidence. i still need to defend my thesis and get my graduate degree, which i will lest my family and friends lose all hope in my intellectual abilities. i've already lost faith in them, but i hope (for THEIR sake) that they are still intact within my brain and its faculties.

but enough with that shit. here's the REAL news: Duthie's Golden Mole

now to brave the chicago cold, which is slightly worse than the flagstaff cold. not by much, though. think of flagstaff with a lake, that's about it. though the people (in general) are much more cold, which makes it slightly worse in perception. bummer. BUT, luckily, this pre-modern world is set up to seperate us nearly completely from the natural environment. cheers to gulps of stale air!