the ever.present emotion

don't ruin your life for cocaine.

though i really don't mean to push my opinions on others. i've just heard of a good friend of mine who i don't speak to anymore and their troubles with current situations. it makes me sick to my stomach. i've had very brief stints with the drug, only isolated incidents where i was quite drunk and hardly noticed it's presence. a quick absent smell or numb gums, and only at the generous offering of others. i mean, i even eat meat if the shit's free.

and i've eaten some pretty tasty meat for free in this fair city. and i dabbled in one instance with white in the city, up north at a neighborhood mexican bar, with co-workers from the store. again, a positive 'when-in-rome' instance, but quick and isolated. for me, it's got to be pretty drunk but very conscious, which is a hard line to toe sometimes. i suggest it: it's always good to know what you're dealing with. ignorance only hurts understanding, and as obvious and ludicrous as that sounds, it's still hard to know at times.

the troubled stomach begs to sleep, and i clean dead skin off my sheets. listening to 'white dove' by john vanderslice helps, but it doesn't. i don't want to see anything bad happen to her. but i cannot do anything to help. i cannot. i pray to disney movies and hope their intoxicating qualities are washed away by their propensity for positive emotion. nothing can save now. i hate submissives to chemicals, but i guess i live it as well. and we all do. i pray for silence and forgetfulness, but i know i don't believe in anything that can hear prayers. i'm combing my hair, i'm putting lotion on my skin. please help those in need if you have the ability. please don't ruin your life for cocaine.